god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
