you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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