addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
