Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..

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(406): View more from Montana

Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.

(1-406): View more from Montana

Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs

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(510): View more from California

you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.

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(256): View more from Alabama

She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.

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(406): View more from Montana

Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen

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(616): View more from Michigan

He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.

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(303): View more from Colorado

The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!

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