the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
