Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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