first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You pole danced in your parka.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Someone signed my nipple.
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