Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
