Betty ford says i'm here all night
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
