can we get nightvision for the apartment?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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