did you get engaged???
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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