well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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