I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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