Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
