He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
