I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
