anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
