I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
