maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
