you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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