You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
