so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize