I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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