suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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