She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
