i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
