You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
