U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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