low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
