How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
