I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
