You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
