you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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