No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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