Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
