Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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