you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
