i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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