Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
