Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
