I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
