I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize