Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Drunk is not a location!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
