We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
