we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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