wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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