omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize