Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
