she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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