Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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