He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You made out with two different species that night
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
