If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's never too late to be topless.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
