OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
