i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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