i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
