Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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