somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
