I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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