If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
