I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
