my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize