If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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