You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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