Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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