remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
