I showed him my bush... on skype.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
