I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
