If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Still dying that you shit outside
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
