I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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