I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I need water and some morals
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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