My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
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