I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
