i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
